Associated Press
Connecticut
AIG Executives who received huge bonuses not only had to worry about the Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous Bus Tours or the mobs of angry protesters this past week.
Today authorities have just confirmed that several of the executives of the greedy firm were ambushed by hundreds of cats in what is now known as a BONUS Bite & Run attack.
Hordes of cats wearing black leather jackets, some donning tiaras, one wearing what appeared to be Bono's glasses, another in a Jedi robe were seen running away from the scene. Screams, sneezes and gagging was heard through out the states of Connecticut and New York in the past hour. All those who were bit or suffering from allergy attacks were taken to an undisclosed hospital for the rich and greedy. There is no word on who was actually bit or their condition. Several executives have reported missing blackberries, iPhones and watches and are demanding that the tax payers buy them new ones.
Biohazard teams were sent in to clear up the odor of stench. Reports that the Poot & Run and the Poop & Run also left hefty bonuses for all during the ambush.
Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous Pooses for Peace and their legions of covert Bite & Run Brigades. No arrests have been made as it is rumored that Barack Obama requested the attack.
Zevo Calamari, spokes-poose for the cats and wearing what seemed to be Bono-like glasses issued a statement today"Cough, gag.. yuck... oh paaaaleeez....who was wearing the Old Spice? gag.. Give me a hit of that tequila. Ack.. greed has such a vile after taste....ack.......Many of the bites were bites to the bone... our idea of a real BONUS! ....Do these glasses make me look fat? ack..... "
