DOMESTIC TERRORIST SOCIALIST RUNS FOR MAYOR OF SALEM

FOX NEWS .....FAIR AND BALANCED
BREAKING NEWS

This just in from Salem MA! The celebrity cat known as Zevo Hussein Calamari has announced she will run for mayor of Salem tomorrow against Mayor Kimberly Driscoll. Driscoll is running unopposed and Miss Calamari will only win if enough voters write her in on the ballot. Mayor Driscoll and Miss Calamari have had several run ins in the past. (too numerous to name!)

Zevo Hussein Calamari and her cohorts Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur are the liberal founders of the domestic terrorist organization known as the Pooses for Peace. This so called peaceful operation has legions of Bite & Run brigades who have bit several right wing politicians, celebrities who wear fur and political pundints in the past. Among those who have been bit are Dick Cheney, Ann Coulter, Karl Rove, Lindsey Lohan, P.Diddy, most of the Bush administration as well as Sarah Palin. The list of those attacked is too long for our FOX news crew to remember.

The cats also own several businesses that bring revenue into the city of Salem as well as San Diego where Miss Calamari was born. Unconfirmed sources believe they own Brothel Calamari, Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and will be opening an all you can eat spaghetti bar soon. They are also devout Pastafarians, heathens who worship the deity know as The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

It is our belief that these terrorist cats are working undercover for the Obama administration. They were part of the grass roots organization to help get him elected. They are also friends with several liberal Hollywood stars such as Oprah, George Clooney, Jon Stewart and David Letterman. The cats were also very close to the late Ted Kennedy who bailed them out of Gitmo a few years ago for partying with Fidel Castro.

We at FOX News will keep you posted as the situation develops.

Next up.... Sarah Palin takes on socialist cats in America!

Feliz Dia de los Muertos!

Salem MA

The ghost of Frida Kahlo and her ghost cat were seen dancing all over Salem MA yesterday. The ghosts visit Salem every year to celebrate the Mexican holiday, the Day of the Dead which is November first and second.

Other ghost sightings have been reported since midnight Halloween night.. The ghost of Lucille Ball's cat resembling the celebrity Miss Lucy Fur was seen running through the streets of Salem. The ghost of Mae West, looking identical to Zevo Calamari was seen dancing with the ghost of Marilynn Monroe, who was the mirror image of Miss Boo.

In other Salem news.... several hung over cats, skunks, dogs and celebrities were seen roaming the streets Sunday morning. The annual Poose Witch Ball ended Saturday night at 2:00 am. Celebrity cats and movie stars attended the ball in costume. The Pooses for Peace and their renegade Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades attended.

Salem authorities were too busy with the 100,000 rowdy tourists roaming the Witch City to pay much attention to the happenings at the Ball. No cats were arrested.

Unconfirmed sources claim that Mayor Kimberly Driscoll crashed the ball uninvited and wore a red suit instead of her usual black one thinking it would fool the cats. At this time she has reported that her earrings, watch and new blackberry are missing and several holes in the red suit. The mayor was heard screaming "Where are my earrings and Oh my gawd... what is that smell... I hope I have an extra can of Frebreeze in my caaaaawh........"

There will be a Day of the Dead party held at Casino Calamari tonight with a tequila, margarita bar and tuna nachos. Wear your sombreros! Paint on a uni-brow.
OLE!

Salem Invaded by More Celebrities and Cats

AP
Salem, MA
Nubi wan Kenobi pictured above conducting the Great Pumpkin Band.

Thousands of tourists, hordes of cats and celebrities have been flooding into Salem the past few days to celebrate Halloween in the Witch City.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called for police reinforcements from surrounding cities for Halloween this Saturday night. Extra security has also been brought in for the Annual Poose Witch Ball. This event is invitation only. Invitees are picked by the celebrity cats known as the Gatti della Strega (the Witch Cats).

This year the mayor was said to have fainted at the sight of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and claims her earrings were stolen by the cats. She was not invited to the ball. When asked why the mayor was snubbed, Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari replied "She can go hang out at that tacky carnival with those carnies that she forced on the city of Salem. Afterwards she can watch the fireworks over the wrecking yard." Rumors are flying through the small city of Salem that Zevo Calamari will be running against Driscoll in the upcoming mayoral election as a write in candidate.

Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing George Clooney , Julia Roberts and the cast of the Rocky Horror Show dining at The Lobster Shanty. Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock were spotted shopping at The Cat, The Crow, and The Crown, run by the official witch of Salem, Laurie Cabot . Oprah and her entourage bought several bottles of Castano wine at Pamplemouse. The remaining cast of Bewitched, led by Doctor Bombay was seen in a chartered Salem Red Trolley Tour Bus on the way to the House of Seven Gables.

Poose-cam live from Salem is brought to you by The Planet Calamari on-line store.

The 2009 Pooses for Peace Witch Ball

The 2009 Pooses for Peace Witch Ball

Casino Calamari
Witch City MA

7:00 PM - ?

Spooktacular Buffet!

Nip-tinis

Strega Shots

Music by the Great Pumpkin Orchestra

Costumes required!

B.Y.O.B
bring your own broomstick
RSVP 1-800-Boo-Zevo

The Rocky Horror Show Tonight at Cinema Calamari

You are invited to join us at our sing a long Rocky Horror Picture Show
at
The Cinema Calamari
8:00 pm

Party afterwards at the Casino Calamari
cast of the RHPS will be there

Time Warp Dance lessons start at 7:00pm

Wear Rocky Horror attire!

All you can eat buffett and margaritas
nip-tinis and cat nip

See you ....
at the late night
double feature
picture show
ahhhhohhhhh oh oh

Ghost of Lucile Ball's Cat Spotted

The ghost of Lucille Ball's cat was seen in the backyard of a Salem resident this past week. The ghost makes an appearance every Halloween season, usually only to fans of the I Love Lucy Show.

The Ghost Buster team was called in from Salem MA to investigate this para-normal poose event.

Ghost Cats Spotted in Salem

AP
SALEM, MA

The Ghost Buster team was sent into Salem last evening to investigate ghost cat sightings at the House of the Seven Gables. Details of this para-normal event are still sketchy at this hour.

Madame Zevo Calamari of the Poose Ghost Tours of Salem claim these ghosts seen are the pooses of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

In other Salem news the House of the Seven Gables has reported several antiques and costumes missing from their storage area. Authorities are not sure how thieves were able get into the small unit.

Strega Calamari Reads the Cards

Strega Zevo Calamari will be reading paws and the tarot every night at the Hawthorne Hotel in the haunted room. Please call for reservations. Strega Zevo Calamari is known as the psychic to the stars and has consulted with celebrities, diplomats and royalty. (Unfortunately some of those such as Britney Spears, Kate & Jon plus Wretched 8, the Balloon people, and the mayor of Salem have not heeded her warnings of crash and burn syndrome).

Madam Booooooooooo will be conducted ghost tours through out Salem each evening at 9pm. Only the brave of heart should dare to walk with her as she takes you through the graveyards, haunted houses and the finale.... the House of the Seven Gables to meet the ghost of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Nubi Wan Kenobi, The official Black Cat of Salem will be signing autographs at the Witch Museum daily. He is also the body guard of ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli. We hope that she makes a guest appearance during this holiday season.

Join The Countess Lucy Fur On the dock of haunted tall ship
The Friendship for an evening of spook-tac-ular ghost stories. The ship is so haunted that it is not even visible to the human eye this Halloween season.

Visit Tao and Sarge's Natty Boh and Tuna cake stand in The Salem Commons for a tasty treat. Luna di Poosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be working the beer keg at the Octoberfest.

Other celebrity Pooses for Peace cats will be in Salem the rest of the month. It will be a spooktacular event for all!

The Annual Poose Witch Ball
will be held at The Casino Calamari
on Halloween Night from 10pm- ?
Costumes are mandatory. Call 1-800-boo-zevo for tickets.

Happy Birthday John Prine!

John Prine will be our guest tonight at the Casino Calamari to celebrate his birthday. The founders of Pooses for Peace, Zevo Calamari, Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo will be singing back-up vocals. Unconfirmed soures report that Nubi Wan Kenobi will be playing drums and Bubba will be playing bass. (We can only hope that Zevo's pet human does not attempt to play banjo with the group.)

Come join the Pooses for Peace tonight at the Prine Sing-Along.

Illegal smile catnip with an all you can eat tuna & turkey buffet will provided. Tequila for all!

Happy Birthday John Lennon

All we are saying
is give Peace a chance!

The Pooses for Peace will be napping for Peace today.

City of Salem Calls X-Files Agents For Expert Opinion

Associated Press
Salem MA

Less than a week ago the small city of Salem MA experienced what is believed to be a UFO close encounter over the Haunted Happenings Parade. Several witnesses believe it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Salem has a few devotees of this so called pasta God. They are known as pastafarians. The infamous Pooses for Peace are believed to be part of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and were in the parade when the FSM appeared.

Mayor Driscoll blames the celebrity cats for inviting the FSM to the event and upsetting the warm fuzzy family atmosphere of the parade. CIA, FBI and NASA agents are still investigating the event. Agents have been seen dining at In A Pig's Eye and the Lobster Shanty all week. Others have been spotted having tarot readings at the Oracle Chamber and Laurie Cabot's shop. Mayor Driscoll has been seen every night at Cafe Verona ordering pasta dishes. We can only hope she has an extra black suit in a larger size if this continues.

The US government has issued a statement. "There is no such thing as UFOs or a Flying Spaghetti Monster. We are certain it was a weather balloon passing over the parade.

Fox Mulder and partner Dana Scully refused to comment on the possibility that Salem has been over run by aliens. Fox was over heard saying "I want to believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Where can we get a good plate of pasta in this town?"

The so called culprits, the Pooses for Peace have not been seen since Thursday night's parade. Several celebrities and other famous cats were also in the parade. All seem to have vanished over the weekend.

Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are searching for a place in Salem to open a Spaghetti Bar. Mayor Driscoll has announced that all food or liquor permits for any establishment run by the cats will be denied.

Salem Mayor Driscoll Calls Emergency Meeting

s
Associated Press
Salem MA

An emergency meeting of the Salem City Council has been called to discuss the possibility that Salem has been invaded by aliens.

Last night at the Haunted Happenings parade, the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade, mostly hovering over Captain Jack Sparrow and the infamous Pooses for Peace. The crowds watching the parade, thought it was part of the Pooses for Peace display as most were dressed as pirates, (Pastafarians dress as pirates on all Holy Days and parades!)

Mayor Driscoll fainted when the FSM flew above her, touching her with one of his Noodly Appendages and staining her black suit with red pasta sauce. Her earrings and blackberry are still missing.
The Mayor issued a statement " Citizens of Salem... Do not panic! We will protect you and your families from this alien. I blame those wretched celebrity cats who conjured up this monster to appear at our family oriented parade. I also blame them for stealing my blackberry and earrings. Justice will be served."

The FBI, CIA and NASA have been called in to attend this emergency meeting, Cafe Verona has been requested to cater this meeting, by the mayor who has been craving pasta since last night's parade.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statement this morning "Aarrrrrhhhh oh my poor head...passs me some ginger ale and asprin. Do you think a plate of pasta would absorb a hang over? Hmmm some cool phone numbers in this blackberry. Too bad it is covered in pasta sauce. RAmen. May you be touched by His Noodly Goodness. "

Flying Spaghetti Monster Appears at Salem Parade

BREAKING NEWS
Salem MASS

Captain Jack Sparrow rode into Salem on a jet black Vespa, with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, aka the celebrity Pooses for Peace on vespas at the Haunted Happenings Parade this evening. Along with Captain Jack Sparrow was his entourage of pirates and pastafarians. His swagger and the glint in his eyes caused women to swoon and faint all over the parade route, creating a stress on Salem's underpaid EMT system.

Other celebrities rode with the the cats known as the Pooses for Peace as a sign of solidarity for their cause. George Clooney rode along side Miss Boo on his Harley hog. Oprah, BFF of Miss Lucy Fur rode on a special orange Vespa with her name etched in gold. Zevo Calamari led the cast from the Rocky Horror Show on her blue Vespa. Brad Pitt sans wretched children and Angelina Jolie was seen on a Harley hog too. Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli, rode along with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. The Meezers led the the Whap & Run brigades along with the Poop & Run Patrols. Hundreds of cats dressed in black witch hats and capes or pirate regalia rode Vespas, Scooters and Skateboards too.

The crowds cheered for Al Gore and Bo Obama in the green electric car. Other celebrities who played witches in movies, such as Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Cher, Bette Midler, rode Vespas and Scooters along with the infamous Bite & Run, Whap and Run Brigades. All wore black witch hats and capes and carried brooms. Cameron Diaz, in town making a movie also rode a vespa with the cats. Tom Cruise costaring with Diaz refused to ride in the parade along with the pastafarians and pirates saying that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fictional religion, unlike the credible religion of Scientology.

In a repeat of last year Mayor Kimberley Driscoll called for an emergency back-up from the Boston Fire Department to handle the overload. At that very moment the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade touching all with his Noodly Goodness. The mayor fainted and once again lost a pair of earrings and her blackberry. As predicted, the mayor wore her black suit to march in the parade. The "What Not to Wear" crew were anxiously waiting a chance to surprise the mayor with a make over again. However, since the mayor was rushed to the hospital screaming "Aliens are invading Salem. I blame those wretched cats!" the make over has been postponed until next season. This is the second time this year the What Not to Wear crew were in Salem.


The Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades were forced to march after the Boston Police Equestrian Patrol. EMT Units had to be called back in to assist all those who were gagging and puking. The City of Salem sent in a Biohazard team to rid the streets of the stench. Incense has been lit all over Salem.

As of 11:00 pm tonight, all the bars, clubs and restaurants in Salem are filled with drunk cats, dogs, pirates, pastafarians and celebrities.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll is in stable condition and it is rumored she asked for a plate of pasta when she awoke from her incident. Unfortunately her black suit was covered in pasta sauce after being touched by His Noodly Appendage.

Nicole Kidman Seen Riding Vespa in Salem

Unconfirmed sources have seen Nicole Kidman riding a vespa this morning in Salem. Rumors are that she is riding in the parade with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas (witch cats on vespas) along with a few other Bewitched cast members. Dr Bombay is getting an acupuncture treatment at the Acupuncture Center of Salem this evening.

No sign of Captain Jack Sparrow yet. Word on the street is he is staying at the Casino Calamari, owned by the cats and will be riding in the parade tomorrow night with them.

Paparazzi swarmed the streets of Salem this afternoon in search of George Clooney. Unconfirmed sources have seen him riding up and down Derby Street with two cats wearing tiaras. George outwitted the press with the help of these clever pooses and is now at a secret location,

007 Daniel Craig was seen again having dinner and drinks with Miss LucyFur at the local hang out, The Lobster Shanty, Oprah and BFF Lucy Fur were also spotted shopping at Pamplemouse earlier this afternoon. Each bought several cases of wine and cool kitchen accessories.

Meanwhile hordes of cats wearing pirate outfits or witch hats have been seen roaming the streets of Salem and running up tabs at the local pubs.

The mayor of Salem is concerned that there is not enough law enforcement for the parade tomorrow night. Boston police on horses will be brought in if needed.

Poose-cam live from Salem brought to you by
Visit Planet Calamari

Cats, Celebrities and Vespas Invade Salem Again!

AP
Salem, MA

Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade this Thursday night. This is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.

Breaking from a Pooses for Peace tradition, the Strega Queen, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur and the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, (witch cats on vespas) will not be leading the parade. Instead the celebrity cats have decided to ride their vespas along with Captain Jack Sparrow and his entourage of marching pirates and pastafarians. The cats are devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will be wearing their pirate attire for the event.

Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding or marching along this year. Ex-pesidential candidate Cheysuli and her entourage will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. Luna diPoosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be riding together on an electric vespa. Other members of the Pooses for Peace too numerous to name will be driven in rickshaws in the parade. The Poop & Run Brigades will be marching at the end of the parade.

Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of past few years of cat fights between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll and her black suit. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.

In last year's parade the mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.

No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade. This year the mayor and the former Salem police chief will be leading the parade. The cats did not want to piss off show any disrespect to the police department.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by cats at last year's event. An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. Rumor has it Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog. Al Gore will be riding in his green electric car along with Bo Obama. No word yet if Brad Pitt will ride along with the cats.

A private party for the cats and celebrities will be held after the parade in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.

House Trashing Party at Boo's!

This should teach my pet human to leave me to go watch buffalo roam................

Party is still on until next Thursday.......... more booze, tuna and ham is being delivered!

Pass me a jello shot
ciao ciao

Boo

Happy 60th to the Boss!

Tonight at
Casino Calamari

Birthday Bruce and the E Street Band!

Nip-tini's and all you can eat Thunder Road Buffet

Wear your dancing shoes!

Drunk Cats Cause Trouble in Disneyland

AP NEWS ALERT

This just in from Anaheim, CA...... The celebrity cats known as Pooses for Peace, led by Lucy the cat who is once again off her meds have taken over The Pirates of the Caribbean Ride and have taken the Johnny Depp statue hostage until their demands are met.

Hundreds of cats rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride yesterday while doing shots of rum. A drinking game called Shot O' Rum was played all day by the cats. The rules of the game required the cats to do a shot of rum every me they rode the Pirate ride.

One demand of these domestic terrorist cats is that the words to the Pirate ride song be changed to the words "Yo ho Yo Ho a Pooses' Life for me" The other demand is that pirate cats must be added to the decor of the ride, since there is a dog in it. Unconfirmed sources believe that the cats plan to take It's A Small World hostage later today.

Swat teams and riot police have been called in... we will keep you posted.

Now back to more propaganda about socialist and communist plots to talk over white America.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

It is a Holy Day for all Pastafarians ( devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) today. May you be blessed by his Noodly Appendage. Ramen!

All pooses are invited to our private party at Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Special guest...... Captain Jack Sparrow! Be ready to swoon.

Please wear your patch and pirate attire.

Arrrrrrrrrr Arrrrrrrrrr shiver me timbers.. there will be plenty rum for all.. arrrrrrrrr

Sing along with us!
YO HO (A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME)
Lyrics by Xavier Atencio and music by George Bruns

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Feline Pirates Invade Anaheim CA

Associated Press
Anaheim CA

Droves of cats wearing pirate costumes have been seen flocking towards Disneyland today to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day. Their intention is to take over the famed Pirates of the Caribbean Ride on Saturday..Unconfirmed sources believe that Captain Jack Sparrow is with the cats.

Disney officials are concerned about the safety of the treasure chests filled with fake jewels in the ride, as well as jewelry worn by tourists attempting to get on the ride. Last year the cats took the ride hostage and demanded that Disney officials change the theme song's words to "Yo Ho Yo Ho a Poose's Life for me........"

Countdown to Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ay Matey! It is almost Talk Like A Pirate Day! arrr arrr arrr

To celebrate one of our favorite holidays we invite you to join us this Saturday at the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride in Disneyland...with Captain Jack Sparrow! Ay ....... eye candy..arr arrarrr

Rum and Cat nip from the Caribbean will be served! Pirate attire is mandatory. Be there mateys! Shiver me timbers!

For all those pooses coming from out of town, there is plenty of room for everyone to stay at Boo's house. We will be throwing a house-trashing party all weekend.

yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!

P.S. For all those Pastafarians who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster this is a Holy day of obligation. May you all be touched by his Noodley Appendage.

Preparing for Talk Like A Pirate Day

This Saturday is "talk like a pirate day"......i must prepare at least a few phrases for the day...... arrr arrrrr... We will all be going to Disneyland for this special holiday and ride the Pirates of the Carribean a few times. I do hope Captain Jack Sparrow will join us again this year.

Now back to my studies. Arrh arrh arrrh

yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!
shiver me timbers,
love
boo

What Paintings?

CNN

Described by Los Angeles police as one of the city's biggest home robberies in more than a decade, thieves made off with millions of dollars worth of Andy Warhol paintings depicting some of the greatest athletes of the 1970s. The one-of-a-kind paintings included Muhammad Ali, O.J. Simpson and Chris Evert. The thieves also drank every bottle of tequila in the home and raided the refrigerator taking all the tuna and ham.

It's one of the largest residential burglaries that has occurred in L.A.," said Los Angeles Police Department detective Don Hrycyk. "Maybe the biggest one in the last 15 years. We don't have a clue how these paintings disappeared. And the mouse and rat population in the neighborhood has been decreased significantly."

Joe Wilson Ambushed By Terrorist Cats

FOX NEWS
FAIR AND BALANCED

Representative Joe Wilson, the South Carolina Republican who yelled “You lie” to President Obama last night during a joint session of Congress, was ambushed late last night by a horde of cats wearing tiaras and a few dogs wearing Che berets. One cat was wearing a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber.

Joe Wilson was rushed to an undisclosed hospital but was refused treatment as his ID stated his name was Jose El Bigot with a Mexican address. Wilson suffered from bites, scratches and an allergy attack.

Aides to the congressman believe this is the work of the domestic terrorist liberal communist group known as The Pooses for Peace. The celebrity cats were last seen by the FBI hiding out in a casino in Monaco with ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who seems to be wanted by almost everyone these days.

Stay tuned for more on these dangerous cats and their liberal commie facist antics................

CATS SPOTTED IN MONACO

Poose-cam Live from Monaco....stay tuned.................

FBI SEARCHES FOR WANTED CHEYSULI

Associated Press
Salem MA

FBI agents were called into Salem MA in hopes of finding ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who is wanted by authorities for a myriad of charges. She has been last seen partying with the domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

The celebrity liberal felines own several businesses in Salem, MA such as Casino Calamari, Hamburger Mary's, Cinema Calamari and the rumored Brothel Calamari. Unfortunately the authorities have not been able to locate any of the so called establishments, nor have they seen any of the cats associated with them in the past week. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are in Monico.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement via video leaked to the internet "Chey who? What casino? Fetch me a martini, love. Do these dice make me look fat? ......."

Friends and Family Celebrate Ted Kennedy's Life

BOSTON — Hundreds of cats and some dogs, swarmed into Boston yesterday to show their respect for Senator Edward Kennedy. All were wearing the formal dress uniform of the infamous Bite and Run Brigade, commanded by the Pooses for Peace. Marching in a peaceful fashion the animals surrounded the John F Kennedy Presidential Library and saluted as Senator Kennedy's casket was brought in. The cats took shifts in keeping a vigil around the clock.

The Pooses for Peace founders, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur all sobbing and wearing simple black Versace dresses without their signature tiaras carried embroidered hankies and flowers to the library.

The cats have been long time friends with Sen. Kennedy. They referred to him as Papa Lion. He has been known to help bail them out of jail, the Gitmo prison, and he has defended them many times from accusations made by George Bush and Homeland Security. When Kennedy became ill the cats stayed at his home in Cape Cod whenever possible to be with him. He enjoyed the stories of their adventures. They loved his wisdom and sense of humor. They were also good friends with his dogs Splash and Sunny. Rumor has it that Miss Boo postponed her Italian wedding to George Clooney to come back to the USA for the funeral.

Friends, relatives and political comrades, including Vice President Biden, are celebrating Sen. Edward Kennedy in an all-star Irish wake tonight. The cats promise to be on their best behavior.

Due to the security issue the cats will not be permitted to go to Washington for the burial. George Bush is terrified the cats will bite him again and he claims to be allergic to cats.

The Pooses for Peace have opted to hold their own tribute to Papa Lion at the Casino Calamari tomorrow night in Salem, just north of Boston.

In other Boston news, the Mayor of Salem was bit in her office today. The Mayor attended a meeting at City hall to discuss taking a parking lot in downtown Salem and turning it into a winter carnival with kiddie rides. The Mayor immediately recognized the pet humans of Zevo Calamari and excused herself from the meeting. Unconfirmed sources said the mayor was terrified that the couple had brought their cats to the meeting. When the Mayor ran back into her office to hide she was surprised by a Bite and Run attack.

Authorities cannot identify the cats as they ran off before cameras could capture their image. Zevo Calamari and her friends were in Boston mourning at the time of the attack. One of the city clerks claims she saw a tiny black cat wearing a witch hat and extra large black mittens on all four paws. Another clerk saw a cat wearing a jedi robe and carrying a light saber.

Mayor Driscoll is in stable condition and took the rest of the day off. Her charcoal grey suit is in critical condition.

In a statement released by the Mayor she said "AAAAchooooo! I just know that those wretched Pooses for Peace are behind this latest attack. And I do not appreciate that crazy acupuncturist who mocked the idea of having a carnival in the winter. The nerve of her demonstrating the sounds that came off a merry go round. Dam...where is my blackberry?"

Rest in Peace Ted Kennedy

Thank you for all you have done. We will miss you dearly.
love
The Pooses for Peace

Topaz Engagement Ring?.........

National Enquirer



Unconfirmed sources have report that Miss Boo, celebrity cat of the Pooses for Peace has been given a ring by George Clooney. No word if the ring is an engagement ring or just a gift for her birthday. The two were spotted snogging at a quaint bistro in Tuscany last night.

In other celebrity news Zevo Calamari and Miss Lucy Fur were seen with Donatella Versace shooting for the cover of Vogue's Fall issue. Rumors that Miss Boo will be modeling a wedding dress are spreading all over Italy.

poose-cam live from italy..........

gatti fotocamera da vivere italia
(poose-cam live from italy).

My dearest Boo... Cara mia....Happy Birthday ... You know I adore you...Will you.........

sounds of crashing... "what the f*^&.... is the camera still on.. what did he say...... oh my god she is crying... quick anyone have a blackberry..............."

Happy Birthday Boo!

Ahhhh... leave it to our dear friend George Clooney to make sure that his sweetheart Miss Boo has a lovely birthday surprise! You are all invited to join us tonight at a small gathering at George's villa in Italy. Shhhhh it is a surprise. No need to bring anything. There will be lots of food, Strega, wine and limoncello

Will George propose to Boo? None of us know...

We lured Boo here with Donatella's help, by telling Boo she will be photographed for the cover of the fall issue of Vogue wearing the latest Versace couture. Of course it is true... but a it will be all of us will be featured on the cover of Vogue this fall.... Boo, Lucy Fur and me- the celebrity pooses of the Pooses for Peace.

The inside pages will also feature other famous Pooses for Peace members such as Cheysuli and all of her entourage, The Meezers, Miss Daisy, Mickey, Luna diPoosalita, Nubi wan Kenobi, Tao and Sarge, Monkay, Che Nikki.. and well way too many for us to mention or even html in.... (so sorry)

Please be on time. The party starts at 8pm.... See you there.
ciao ciao
zevo

John Mackey Victim of a Whole-Body Bite & Run Attack

BREAKING NEWS............ AUSTIN TEXAS............. WHOLE FOODS HEADQUATERS

Hordes of cats dressed in Whole Foods aprons and Che Guevara berets stormed into the Whole Foods Headquarters today during a Board of Directors meeting. John Mackey along with several other greedy bastards members of the whole board were bit, poked and scratched. The board was meeting to discuss Mackey's blunder in revealing his true neo-con right wing colors in his op-ed column in The Wall Street Journal.

His statement read:"Health care is a service that we all need, but just like food and shelter it is best provided through voluntary and mutually beneficial market exchanges. A careful reading of both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution will not reveal any intrinsic right to health care, food or shelter. That's because there isn't any. This "right" has never existed in America."

Mackey was taken to the hospital for bites on his ankles, knees and private parts only to be turned away at the ER. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats stole his ID and his insurance card and replaced them with a drivers license from Mexico with the name Juan Macarana. Mackey is now at the public clinic waiting to be being treated for bites and allergies. He is hoping to be looked at by a nurse practitioner in a few hours.

Some of the cats threw organic apples and left organic "droppings". A biohazard team was called into the Whole Foods building to rid the room of the stench, droppings and dander. Authorities believe the attack was the work of the Pooses for Peace Bite & Run Brigade. The cats are known for their liberal, socialist ties to the Obama administration.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement today from an undisclosed location. " You should have been bit long ago for making your employees wear these hideous aprons. Healthcare, food and shelter are basic human rights....not that you pay most of your employees enough to afford such things! Oh and you can
take your organic overpriced food and shove it up your whole &%$@! "

Celebrating Steve Martin's Birthday!

It's Steve Martin's Birthday!
at
Casino Calamari

Special Guest Steve Martin and his Bluegrass Band

A Wild & Crazy time for all!

Friday 8/14/09
7:00pm -?
all you can eat buffett and open bar
cat nip brownies

get small with us tonight!
the pooses for peace & friends

Obama Honors Pooses for Peace as Agents of Change at White House

NEWS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.........

America's first black president took a breather from the health care fight to honor the first Hispanic to be confirmed to the Supreme Court and others who have helped create change.

"There are many honors and privileges bestowed on the occupants of this house," the president said. "But few mean as much to me as the chance to award America's highest civilian medal to the recipients that are here today."

The honorees, some American and some not, represent "what we consider to be that most American of beliefs," Obama said, "that our lives are what we make of them, that no barriers of race, gender or physical infirmity can restrain the human spirit, and that the truest test of a person's life is what we do for one another."

White House aides said the recipients had effected or embodied noteworthy changes in society.

Some of the honorees also touched Obama on a deeply personal level:

Actor Sidney Poitier, whose breaking of race barriers on film began preparing America years ago for Obama. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the South African opponent of apartheid. American civil rights leader the Rev. Joseph E. Lowery, co-founder of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.

Also, Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., who was too debilitated from brain cancer to accept the award in person. Obama was tender with Kara Kennedy, who accepted on her father's behalf and struggled to keep her composure. Kennedy passed the Camelot torch to Obama last year with his endorsement, and for decades the liberal icon championed the health care overhaul that Obama is trying to push through Congress. Now the decline of JFK's last brother foreshadows the end of an era.

The infamous Pooses for Peace were given a special award for their bravery and valance in helping to bring awareness and change through the absurd past 8 years of King Chimpie W the Bush. Every member of the Bite Patrol and other patrols were given medals and kissed on the head by Michele Obama. The cats arrived 5 minutes before the ceremony. Rumor has it they were hiding out in Hawaii with Captain Jack Sparrow after a colonial vessel had been stolen from Salem MA a few weeks ago. The celebrity cats were wearing tiaras and Versace grass skirts.

the weather is here.. i wish you were beautiful...

Aloha!

ahhh... why didn't we run off to Hawaii sooner? We have been so happy to be here with our host, Captain Jack Sparrow and his mistress, Princess Guacamole. Yes... it is true some of us were quite put out that he had fallen for Her... but hey se la vie... or WhatEvrrrrrrr. So what if she is a princess who has inherited the Guacamole Valley.

Face it none of us stood a chance with him. Besides Miss Boo is still secretly dating George Clooney and Zevo is still chasing Keith Olbermann. (give it up and move on Zevo) I am still getting over breaking up with that wanker Royal Corgie. Bloody hell. I should have stayed with the 007 actor. I should have kept taking those meds too. Luna diPoosalita is still smitten with that white thumbed cat Monkay. We all think Nubi is gay, but we will pretend he is a Jedi.

Anyway.... these drinks with the little paper umbrellas are to die for. And sitting by the pool at the Princeville Resort flirting with the cute waiter boys is a blast. I hear there is a darling little gift shop that we may um... hit later after dinner, drinks and and karaoke.

Time for another pina colada... oh cabana boy....

aloha
miss lucy fur lucy fur

Land Ho!

The National Enquirer
Kauai Hawaii

Captain Jack Sparrow Seen with Drunk Pirate Cats

Reliable but unconfirmed sources report seeing a colonial vessel commanded by Captain Jack Sparrow with a crew of drunk cats in pirate costumes entering the waters of Kauai. Authorities are not certain if this is the missing ship that mysteriously vanished from the Salem MA Maritime Festival last weekend.

The FBI and Homeland Security are in pursuit of the lost ship and the pirates that stole it. Salem Mayor Kimberly Driscoll believes it is the work of her nemesis, the infamous group of celebrity cats known as The Pooses for Peace and their Bite & Run Brigades.

Zevo Calamari text messaged a statement to the press earlier today..."Mayor who? Yo ho yo ho....What ship? Um do you think this wench costume makes me look fat? Arrr arr arrr please pass the rum Captain dear..... "

Captain Jack Sparrow Seen on Missing Ship

m
Associated Press
Somewhere on the High Seas.....

US Costguards have reported spotting the missing colonial vessel known as the Kalmar Nyckel out on the high seas in route to Hawaii. The ship mysteriously vanished from the Salem Maritime festival sometime Sunday night.

Unconfirmed sources said that the Captain of the Coast Guard ship claims to have seen Captain Jack Sparrow along with several cats in pirate gear drinking rum and dancing on the ship. The Captain has been put on medical leave and is being watched carefully. Other crew members who wish to remain anonymous also claim to have seen cats in pirate costumes. However one reported seeing a cat dressed as a Jedi, but wearing a patch over his eye. Authorities are still not sure if this ship is the Kalmar Nyckel as the name painted on the vessel was The Calamari Nickelodeon.

Salem's Mayor Kimberley Driscoll wearing her trademark black suit released a statement early this morning. "I have no doubt that those wretched cats, the Pooses for Peace have something to do with this latest travesty that has taken place in my beloved city of Salem. We will find this missing ship and punish those who stole it. .... oh by the way did you hear that no one will be running against me in the next election?"

Colonial Ship Disappears in Salem

Associated Press
Salem MA

The colonial ship known as the Kalmar Nyckel has vanished from its docking space at Pickering Wharf, Salem MA. The ship was in town for the Salem Maritime Festival. Authorities are baffled at how the ship could mysteriously vanish in the middle of the night.

An inebriated man arrested for disturbing the peace early Sunday morning claims to have seen cats dressed as pirates boarding the ship and singing " yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me..." Salem Mayor Kimberly Driscoll was on vacation when the incident occured.

A press conference from Pickering Wharf is scheduled for noon.

Celebrity Cats Celebrate Grand re-Opening of Pamplemouse!

Associated Press
Salem MA

Hordes of cats wearing tiaras, top hats and one dressed as a Jedi with robe and light saber were seen running through the Salem Farmers Market tonight and through the Essex Street Mall. It is no secret that the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and their entourage have just returned from hiding from Homeland Security um ..a vacation in Switzerland.

Zevo Calamari, Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo all donning their trademark tiaras mingled with the Salem locals tasting cheese and wine. As always they were the life of the party with their celebrity gossip and tidbits on fashion.

Miss Lucy Fur ordered several cases of the Home Grown Red wine for her BFF Oprah. Miss Boo who is rumored to be dating George Clooney was seen buying plates, glasses and cool kitchen gadgets for his villa in Italy. Zevo Calamari, now a Salem resident and owner of Brothel Calamari Casino Calamari plans to hire the Pamplemouse staff to cater all events taking place in the future. (Rachel Ray was fired recently by the cats for undisclosed reasons.)

The infamous Pooses for Peace are known for their Bite & Run attacks on celebrities that wear fur and most of the GW Bush administration in the past 8 years. They have also had several run in with Salem's Mayor Kimberly Driscoll and her black suit. A few nights ago the cats were blamed for the disturbance at Tavern in the Square, aka TITS. No charges were filed as the security cameras were all mysteriously turned off during the incident.

No complaints were reported about the cats tonight. Authorities believe the cats are still at Pamplemouse drinking wine and eating what is left of the cheese. Mayor Driscoll has asked the Salem Police to monitor the Essex Street Mall and arrest any drunk cats seen disturbing the peace.

Cats Cause Disturbance at Salem's Tavern in the Square (TITS)

Associated Press
Salem MA

The latest Salem scandal reached a peak tonight when hordes of cats stormed into the Tavern on the Square, also known as TITS to the locals, The cats ordered rounds of tequila for all and had it put on the Mayor Kimberley Driscoll's tab. After several rounds the cats began dancing on the table tops and biting patrons on the ankles.

Other cats began changing the channels on all the TVs playing the Red Sox game in the Tavern to the Animal Planet channel which caused another fight to ensue between Sox fans and the cats. Most of the jocks are in stable condition at Salem Hospital.

Salem Police were called in to stop the disturbance, but none were available as they were all on street duty for Verizon and Comcast. Several patrons left sneezing and gagging. Others reported lost jewelry and blackberries.

Authorities believe that the cats are the infamous celebrity cats known as The Pooses for Peace. However the Pooses for Peace were last seen in Switzerland hiding out from Homeland Security with the Sisters of Perpetual Holy Cheese. It is rumored that the cats are really a covert agency approved by Obama and they are in Europe for an undisclosed reason. No comment has been made by the White House on the cats.

The cats causing the disturbance at the TITS were in disguise, wearing black suits and black wigs resembling Salem's Mayor Kimberley Driscoll. None were wearing the signature tiaras that the celebrity cats usually don.

Rumors on Facebook have been surfacing all weekend that TITS was given a free liquor license and a free pass from the Salem Health Dept courtesy of the mayor. TITS was also given permission to cut down trees and remove the grass on city property to make room for more outdoor dining. As one cat said "In this town, one paw washes the other. Those with money make their own rules here."

Mayor Driscoll issued a statement. "These cats are a menace to this community. They have caused nothing but trouble since I have been elected. And stop mocking my black suit. I only make $80,000 a year. Do you expect me to wear Versace?" The celebrity cats and the mayor have had an on going feud for the past few years. It began at one of the Haunted Happenings Parade and has escalated since.

Zevo Calamari issued a statement via blackberry "Please pass the cheese and more of that wine. What TITS? Mine are real and spectacular. Mayor Who?

The Sisters of Perpetual Holy Cheese

Associated Press
Somewhere in the Alps.....

CIA agents attempted to investigate reports of the renegade cats known as The Pooses for Peace wanted by Homeland Security. Authorities believe the cats are hiding at a convent run by The Sisters of Perpetual Holy Cheese.

This is not the first time the nuns have been suspected of hiding the cats. In 2007 the cats were wanted by Homeland Security after being accused of biting Dick Cheney. They fled to Switzerland until the matter was forgotten.

Unconfirmed sources claim to have heard the nuns singing "How do you solve a problem like Zevo" after the CIA agents left the convent. No cats were found.

Mysteriously the agents' vehicles were unable to start. Someone had stolen the batteries and unplugged the cables. One CIA agent has reported that his sunglasses are now missing.

The whereabouts of these cats remains unknown.

Deja Vu....

Associated Press
Salzburg, Austria

Last night's final performance at the Salzburg Music Festival ended with a standing ovation, a chase scene and the song Edelweiss floating through the mountain air.

Authorities are baffled by the appearance of a group of singing cats, who called themselves The Von Trapp Poose Singers. They were dressed in costumes made from what appeared to be fabric from hotel drapes. Three were also wearing tiaras.

The cats sang Edelweiss as their last song. The audience sang along with tears in their eyes. After the third standing ovation the cats were no where to be found. Unconfirmed sources believe these cats are the infamous Pooses for Peace who disappeared mysteriously from the San Diego jail this week. They are now wanted by US Homeland Security.

The cats were seen fleeing over the mountains to a nearby convent on the border of Switzerland.

CELEBRITY CATS DISAPPEAR FROM JAIL

CNN BREAKING NEWS.................CELEBRITY CATS POOSES FOR PEACE MISSING FROM SAN DIEGO JAIL..............
AMBER ALERT..................CALL THE FBI IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION................. PRESS CONFERENCE SCHEDULED AT NOON........

Swat Team Surrounds MO's

Associated Press
San Diego CA

The San Diego PD SWAT Team was called in last night to MO's in Hillcrest CA to break up a party and cat fight. Authorities are not releasing any information on the situation at this time. A press conference is scheduled for later this evening.

Unconfirmed sources report that the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace were doing shots of tequila and began taunting tourists wearing We Love Sarah Palin t-shirts. One of the tourists called the cats liberal terrorists and another called Miss Lucy Fur "a fat cat". Miss Lucy Fur has been on a special medication for anger management that loses its potency if alcohol is consumed. The cats went into Bite & Run mode and a fight ensued.

Other celebrity cats were also seen in the skirmish. A black cat wearing a rainbow cape with a light saber along with a small black cat with thumbs and a larger thumbed white cat pulled hair, bit ankles and knees. Presidential candidate Cheysuli was spotted dancing with her entourage the Meezers during the rumble. Baltimore cats Tao and Sarge along with their dog friend Stoli were throwing chips and salsa at the crowd. A schnauzer wearing a Che beret kept screaming Viva la Revolucion! The cats were in Hillcrest this weekend to celebrate Gay Pride. Their float won first place again in the Pride Parade this year.

Several tourists were rushed to the nearest Urgent Care for bites and allergy attacks. Reports of missing jewelry, blackberries and wallets are pouring into the San Diego PD today.

The celebrity cats are in custody at this time. No statement has been released by their lawyer.

Stay tuned for the press conference at 6:00 pm PST

Preparing for the San Diego Pride Parade!

There is so much to do before Saturday's Gay Pride Parade! The Pooses for Peace will have its famous Poose Pride float again in this years parade along with the marching Bite & Run Brigade Band with Cheerleaders. We will be right behind our friends the Dykes on Bikes, who lead the parade every year.

We will be at several parties held in Balboa Park during the day and MO's on Saturday night. All pooses are invited to be a part of the festivities. Please bring your won tiaras, rainbow gear and glitter.

I am so happy to be back in my old neighborhood of Hillcrest and staying with Miss Boo this trip. Nubi and Luna are staying with Miss Lucy Fur. She thought it would be a good distraction for that dog she lives with.

See you on University Avenue in Hillcrest Saturday!!!!!!!!
xoxoxo
zevo

Jedi Cat Saved by The Force

Nubi wan Kenobi, Jedi Poose was attacked and bit yesterday by an alien dog like creature visiting his home in hopes of being adopted. Nubi wan used the force to fly away before the dog could harm him in anyway. Luna diPoosalita was also attacked but flew away to find reinforcements. Zevo Calamari was hung over from the night before um,,, napping at the time and was safe from the alien.

A second attack ensued andNubi wan drew his light saber ..the Force was strong in him and no harm came to him or the alien dog.

With his Jedi powers he waved his paws to his pet humans and said "This is not the dog you are looking for. Move along. "

The pet humans immediately returned the alien dog and promised to think twice about adopting unknown aliens in the future.

A party to celebrate is taking place at the Casino Calamari where the Cantina Band is now playing. Cat nip brownies and margaritas are being served to all.

May the Force be with you.

Pooses for Peace Call for Emergency Session

Hear ye Hear ye we call to order this emergency session by order of Zevo hussein Calamari.

My fellow Pooses, fans, entourage and cohorts in crime um good deeds:

It has come to my attention by one of our covert operative spies that my pet humans will be bringing in a fugitive dog tomorrow to live in MY house. ...without my permission. So shocking.

My sources tell me that this dog was convicted of a crime and sentenced to death but was rescued in the nick of time by a very kind lady who knew her previous owner. We are not sure what crime this dog committed. I heard that she called some little yappy dog a biatch... (and face it those yappy little dogs love to provoke a fight) Or maybe she is a jewel thief like moi? We can only hope she has some skills we can use in our escapades. I am certain we will have to place her in the witness protection program and changer her name.

My roomies Nubi wan Kenobi and the new poose Luna diPoosalita (or whatever her name is this week) are pretending they do not know this information. Of course, Nubi thinks he is a dog so he may be happy to have someone to chase a ball with. Luna thinks she is a flying squirrel.

Right now we are on RED ALERT. We can only hope this dog knows that i am the Alpha Queen poose and all others must take orders from me. Oh...and she better not chew my Jimmy Choos!

Thank you all for your support. Oh.. do you think this collar makes me look fat? Pass me a margarita please.
ciao ciao
zevo
p.s. Our dear friend Monkay, the thumbed poose will be hosting a Red Alert party here at the Casino Calamari tomorrow night. Cuban cigars and brandy with music by the Buena Vista Social Club.......
Fidel was so sweet to provide these things for us.

happy Birthday Frida Kahlo!

I hope the leaving is joyful; and I hope never to return.
Frida Kahlo

The movie Frida will be featured tonight at the Cinema Calamari.

Frida attire is requested, unibrow and red lipstick for females.
Males... sombreros and Diego attire will do!
Featuring an all you can eat Mexican buffett with a margarita bar!
Ole'

Is it safe to come out yet?

This message has been sent by Princess Guacamole on behalf of all the Moose in Alaska.

The Pooses for Peace are recommending that all moose, wolves, bears and furry critters stay in hiding until Sarah Palin is officially out of office and her guns are seized by the FBI. Our covert forces will be attempting to lore her over to Russia. We thank you for your patience and help in this matter.

Pooses for Peace Blamed for Sarah Palin's Resignation

In a shocking turn of GOP events, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin announced today in a rambling speech believed to be wriiten by one of her kids who quit high school, that she was quitting her job at the end of the month -- unleashing a torrent of speculation about her plans, motivation and the insanity of such a seemingly confounding decision.

Some believe Palin plans to run for president in 2012. Other unconfirmed sources believe that Palin is being forced to step down by her nemisis, the Pooses for Peace. The cats along with David Letterman, John Kerry and the liberal press have been making Palin's life a living hell.

Palin has gained weight from the stress of the surprise Bite & Run attacks that have been happening on a weekly basis. GOP pundits believe the Obama administration has hired the cats as covert agents to drive Palin out of politics as a Fourth of July gift to the USA.

Wearing what seemed to be ankle and knee guards under her Wal-mart suit at her lakefront home in Wasilla, Alaska, Palin suggested that she would remain active in national politics. "We know we can effect positive change outside of government, I will keep my promise to make sure the antics of those wretched liberal cats are stopped for good." she said in making the announcement, flanked by her husband, Todd, and members of their family all sneezing. An odd odor permeated the air during the announcement.

The Pooses for Peace are currently in Salem MA preparing their float for the annual 4th of July Horribles Parade held at the Salem Willows. The parade is a mockery of local and national politics. It is customary for the Mayor of Salem and her black suit to be mocked each year. Mayor Driscoll has yet to attend the parade. Unconfirmed sources claim the mayor is worried the cats will try to force her out of office before the next election too.

Zevo Hussein Calamari issued a statement today "Happy Birthday America... So nice to celebrate this Fourth with an intelligent President in office who can speak in complete sentences. Sarah Who? Where's Wasilla? Does this black suit and wig make me look fat? Bo, pass me that flask please............"

Happy Birthday Luna diPoosalita

Today is Luna diPoosalita's 2nd birthday. We will have a small gathering tonight with a tuna platter and a round of chase the laser light. A low key event after the weekend partying with Jimmy Buffett!

happy birthday little miss BIG foot!!!!!!!